It’s been that kind of year. Alternating layers of dark and light. It started on Jan 3 with my eye/neurological issue that saw me admitted for an emergency 3-night hospital stay including a scary lumbar puncture and countless tests…with no conclusions as to why this happened, leaving me with some permanent vision loss in my left eye.
Six months of relative peace followed, then shattered by my mother’s heart attack and subsequent bypass surgery in July. First, there was concern about an open-heart surgery on a 76-year-old diabetic with renal failure, the docs mentioning a 1 in 12 chance of death on the operating table. But she pulled through and proceeded to spend the next FOUR months stuck to the hospital bed with never-ending complications, infections and thoughts of wanting to end it all. Yes, four months of struggle for her but also four months of stress and worry for all of us supporting players.
More like a muddy cake.
Then, the mud on this cake, my father died on Nov 15. I talked about it in my earlier post but in case you didn’t see it, here’s the gist. Hubby and I were in Piemonte, Italy and he died halfway through the trip. We have been estranged since my 20s so one might think I wasn’t impacted but I was. (Just to be clear, we always had a good relationship and there are reasons why it collapsed which I won’t get into but it had nothing to do with us). There were tears, there were thoughts, muddled and troubled.
So many questions that never seemed important when he was alive suddenly surfaced, mostly about how he was and did he ask to see me. I felt alone in my grief because no relative (save for one cousin) reached out to me about this. I can imagine their reasons why and understand, no matter how misguided they are. But anyway, I’ve since had a chance to speak with a few people about this and got some answers. That will have to do.
Balance and Boundaries.
Well, my mom’s out of the hospital but very much still in the woods and I’m surviving on three hours of fitful sleep a night. Sounds like a mess, no? But, guys, I’m all about the balance. That is the only way to live. In a year like this, there were lots of wonderful moments, too. I went on five trips this year; Japan, Bangkok, Italy and twice to Australia, studied my ass off for the WSET wine certification and got full marks to show for it (this in the middle of my mom’s hospitalisation) and turned 50, all while keeping my sanity for the most parts.
So, yeah, not a piece of cake but it’s like this and like that and like this and er…Bye 2024.
