The Glass Child—Ah, I See, That’s Me.

Who is a Glass Child? I’ve written about being the Invisible Child, the Well Sibling, growing up in the shadow of my brother’s schizophrenia but I had never heard of the term “the glass child” before. Until 2023 when I started writing my memoir and searched online for stories about being the well sibling (also known as the Sib with a capital S).

Some have attributed the rise of this term to it blowing up on Tiktok; the #glasschild garnered over 58 million views in March 2023 with many Sibs sharing their stories of being the unseen other child.

But make no mistake. This isn’t a fad or just a new entry in the Urban Dictionary. It’s a term to describe any child who has had to grow up with a sibling whose illness, disability, developmental issue or high-attention need requires more parental attention thus leaving the Sib without the care that would have ordinarily gone to them. The high-attention need could include a sibling’s eating disorder or criminal activity; as long as this happens during a child’s growing up years, right up till 18.

This often leaves Sibs emotionally neglected, developing perfectionistic tendencies, being unable to share their feelings and needs in order not to further burden their parents and in some cases, taking on the parental role themselves.

The origin of the term is unknown but entrepreneur Alicia Maples popularised it during her TEDx talk in 2010.

As she puts it: “Our parents are so consumed with the needs of our brothers and sisters that when they look at us, they look right through us, as though we’re made of glass,” explained Ms Maples. “That’s what a glass child is.”

Oh, A Glass Child is Not Fragile, Quite the Opposite.

Note that we are not glass children because we break easily. Quite the opposite, really. Many of us tend to become resilient, high-achieving perfectionists because we do not want to cause any further trouble to our struggling parents. Some of us become the “replacement” child in our parents’ minds, the one who fulfills the shattered hopes of our parents.

But just because we seem fine on the outside, doesn’t mean we are not struggling inside. Ironically, many of us don’t even see ourselves as struggling when we are young. It’s as though we have squashed down any thoughts of us as sentient beings so far deep within our souls that we just don’t see it!

Okay, that might sound extreme but a lifetime of pushing aside our needs and feelings to make space for our parents’ and siblings’ means that this is often the case. Research I’ve read revealed that many kids, when asked, said that they didn’t consciously feel that their sibling’s high-attention need was impacting them.

Sibling survivor guilt sentiments such as “My sibling is the one who is struggling, I’m okay, what do I have to feel bad about” are common.

So are behaviours like creating escape from the situation at home or conversely, being over-involved in the caregiving of our sibling to our detriment.

A Profound and Pervasive Impact on the Invisible Sibling.

However, the impact on the well sibling is profound and often lasts throughout our lives.

Research has shown the increased risk of developing mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and addiction amongst well siblings. And yet, we truly are the invisible siblings. When our sibling develops whatever illness or issue they have, the support almost always focuses on our parents and sibling. Never mind the okay other child.

This isn’t hyperbolic. Even researchers bemoan the lack of the well sibling in studies!

But there seems to be some traction over the past couple of years. No doubt thanks to Tik Tok but I have also seen more Sibs being featured in the media. Although, it often reverts to talking about the relationship with their sibling.

Still, this is progress. Now what I aim to do with my book and all my upcoming Sib advocacy efforts is to put the focus squarely back on the invisible sibling, the Glass Child—our feelings, our needs, our concerns, our experiences.

Upcoming Posts on the Glass Child.

The following are some posts I will be writing over the next few weeks. Please follow Not A Pretty Picture on Facebook and @lifeofyasmeenhc on Instagram if you’d like to be updated on this topic.

• How do I know if I am a Glass Child?
• The Impact on the Glass Child.
• It’s Lonely in Here­—The Glass Child.
• A Glass Child’s Grief.
• I’m Fine, Thanks—How a Glass Child Copes.
• What’s Good About Being a Glass Child.
• Future Concerns of the Glass Child.
• How to Support a Glass Child.

If you have any suggestions on other topics to explore or would like to share your own experiences, do comment below or just reach out to me via the contact form. Maybe you’re doing something in this space, too, and we can explore collabs. With our combined efforts, I hope that other Sib advocates and I can move the needle into ensuring that we are seen from the start. Let’s nip a potential mental health crisis in the bud.