With everything that has transpired over the past two months (it’s detailed in this post), I have learned the benefit of screaming like a demon. Sure, they tell you that this will only raise your blood pressure, give you a heart attack, make you keel over and die.
But take it from someone whose BP remains a happy 110/70 mmHg—mostly. Sometimes you just have to release the valve. And explosively, might I add.
The worst thoughts were welcomed with open arms; the worst vitriol was spat out in between gasping breaths.
Nama-don’t-stay.
The unfortunate few who were privy to my fury were scared. Scared for my blood pressure, that is. “Do you want me to read the text?” volunteered my buddy. “You seem to be getting agitated reading it.”
No, no, no. This is how I do it, I convinced him. Trust me, take my measurements now, the readings will be just fine.
Of course, at times I felt ridiculous, even ashamed, after the outburst—after all, am I not supposed to be a Mental Health advocate? Why are you writing a newsletter called The PBJ Sandwich (PBJ referring to Peace, Balance and Joy) when you clearly don’t seem to be biting into it?
Because… that is my way of finding PBJ.
Spew and phew, I think.
Get it out, let it all out. Think about it. If you repressed your emotions or engaged in some sneaky passive aggressiveness or simply stoned out, you’re not really dealing with how you feel. But once you’ve let the amygdala have its way, you can move on to using that big prefrontal cortex of yours to process why you reacted that way. And perhaps learn a lesson or two for next time.
Sure, the enlightened among us know how to take a breath, stay calm and the holy grail—respond, not react—when triggered.
I thought so, too. Which is why I spent the past few years trying to practise my lessons, ambling along the path towards the higher road.
Change track, I say now! The first thing we learn in therapy is that there is space for all emotions, including anger! Only in Recognising, Accepting and Working on our emotions (this is my RAW method which I coined in 2020, I will write a post one day) can we help ourselves. So often we believe that there are “good” and “bad” emotions, and feelings like anger, resentment and envy are bad.
But why? We are humans, no? Feelings are what make us human. I mean we don’t want to be off-balance all the time, but hey, it happens. Especially when you’re dealing with so much, just cut yourself some slack. It’s okay that you didn’t have the most mature response to a trigger. It’s okay that you looked like a deranged axe murderer on the rampage—right, not quite the look we should aim for.
Dig a little deeper.
My point is—it is okay. And before I get accused of encouraging the birth of little screaming demons, a caveat. This is only in extenuating circumstances! It’s when you hit that limit (to each their own). Not when you wanted chamomile tea and all they had was sencha, okay?
It has taken so many repeated triggers over decades for me to have reacted this intensely. I know this because even the world’s coolest, calmest person has started “reacting”— in a less deranged manner but, still.
As for me, I did practise my RAW method once I had let it all out. The first step asks that we Recognise what is the true feeling we are feeling. We may think we are angry but often Anger is just the expression of another feeling such as hurt, overwhelm and so on. I scratched the surface revealing why, this time, I was reacting so terribly. And I discovered that it had a lot more to do with grief and loss than anger and exhaustion. I Accepted that and now, I am Working on dealing with the grief. But this is a story for another day.
So the next time you have a meltdown, feel your feelings. Breathe in, yell out and RAW it!
